I wanna bring you to show and tell
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
