what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
we're so committed to being not committed
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
