You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize