So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
