Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize