Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
