so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
