good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
