I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
