u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize