Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
