woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
