I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
