I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
