Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
