Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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