New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
