it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this boner is exhausting
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
