My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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