well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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