I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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