well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
