i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
