he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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