im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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