somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And then he peed in my hair
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