so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
