Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
