YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
