I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
