The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
