Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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