Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
