One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
