drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
