ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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