I wish I could teleport
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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