I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
