My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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