Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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