Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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