Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I cockslap morals
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
