...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
