so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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