Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
