Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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