you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
