i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
