I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
