I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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