i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
