I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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