I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
