every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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