Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
