i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
