I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Enjoy the penises
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
