I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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