what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
high people should be assigned attendants
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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