What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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