(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
