u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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