my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize