He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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