Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize