You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
