i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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