He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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