perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
