So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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