mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
