I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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