I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
