2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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