I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
