Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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