i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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