So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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