I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
