Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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