I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
