yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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