come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
