I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
