its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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