i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
