Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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