my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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