i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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