I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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