Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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