so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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