her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
