my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
