I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
