how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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